Wednesday, January 13, 2010

didnt see that one coming

you never do do you?

and then... from the heights of the ladder where you were slipping into a youtube coma, trying to decide what crappy job you wanted for the next several months, how to go back to school, how to deal with a new life... you meet the concrete... with your face.

actually in this case, my mom met the concrete... with her face... and arms. I think this is probably my number one worst nightmare of all time, is my mom being terribly injured. funny thing, I was sleeping when it happened and awoke to some terrible commotion... I wont go into details, but it was defiantly the worst nightmare ever... funny, it didn't feel like a nightmare... it just felt... urgent. again... details being spared... mostly because I really dont feel like revisiting them myself. I've already told this story to about a million friends and relatives.... its getting really old.
but anyways, she broke her elbow and her wrist... not the same elbow and wrist... but one from each arm... making her completely immobile and useless to do anything except swallow pills and food. which is all she is expected to do for the next 3 months.

3 months!!!!

of course, if this was just about my mom's life... it would be on her blog... (the thought that she would have one is laughable).

this is my blog.

and my new life. well... my new temporary life. at least I dont have to bother with all those pesky "what am I going to do with my life" decisions... not now anyways. right now I'm primarily concerned with getting those pain pills into my mom's mouth.

she can do a lot more than just that of course, she can walk and turn off light switches and give directions... (albeit loopy, but we managed to pay the bills today). usually my mom talks really well... too well, she talks and talks and talks and talks ... its off the chain, its too much. it makes some social situations impossible. but now... she talks much less, mostly because her face hurt these last few days (thank god the arms broke and not the face... or neck). when you talk less, you listen more. which makes you an exponentially better conversationalist.

since my mom broke her arms on monday we have had 2 conversations we NEVER would have had otherwise, breeching some ground I never would have touched in the real world when i slept til 2 or 3... or 4 and stayed up watching youtube, wasting my life until I had to do something with it. I was just about to start recording an album and get a job and move back to pensacola (like... I was supposed to move tomorrow) when this happened.

I was really really overwhelmed with self pity for a day.
it didn't change anything, and it sure didn't help.
its only been 3 days, but its already getting easier.
and tomorrow instead of moving to pensacola with all these mother daughter issues growing more and more tense through the years, I will be taking her to surgery tomorrow.
we now spend 24 hours a day together, (besides the 4 hour increments I get to sleep).
and its alright.
I'm very calm about what I have to do, what I need to do, my role for the next 3 months.
its really far away from being a touring musician, and in a lot of ways its much easier.
I really dont mind doing the things I need to do, and I spend all day doing things I need to do, for my mom, for myself, for the house, for the dogs... and then I fall into bed. (for 4 hours).

this is what the next 3 months will be like.


I'm scared of what I'm going to learn and how much I'm going to grow up.

I'm sure you'll hear all about it.